The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
