after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
