Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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