Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
