Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
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I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
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He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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