Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
