I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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