I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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