Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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