My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
