And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
