just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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