Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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