Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
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