i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
