I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I lost the right to judge tonight
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
