i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just threw up on my dentist
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
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She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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