am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
