do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
