I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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