if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
