Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
