road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
