Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
