god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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