i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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