dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
