What a fucking waste of an outfit
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
