I seem to have left my pride at pride
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
