There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
