honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
