i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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