I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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