we're making bets on your personal life
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
