Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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