i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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