SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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