seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize