my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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