Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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