last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
