A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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