please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
