I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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