does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
