I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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