You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
