WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize