I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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