i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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