he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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