people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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