I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
