remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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