Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
