the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
