im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
