I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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