I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my hands just texted you
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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