I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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