i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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