I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
a search helicopter?!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
