how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Bring me that man meat
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
